Night Talks
by StupidMajor
Summary: Jack gets a notso silent night


**Night Talks**

**Summary: Jack gets a not-so silent night**

**Disclaimer: I do not own stargate sg-1 and its characters**

"Jack. Wake up." Jack O'Neill stuck his head out of his sleeping bag, slightly confused by his surroundings. Daniel was shaking him gently. "C'mon Jack - it's your watch, and I'm exhausted."

"Alright Daniel! I'm awake!" Jack hissed at the archaeologist, trying not to disturb the other two members of SG-1. He unzipped his bag, slipped out of it and started to roll it up. As he did so, Daniel was performing the same actions in reverse.

"Night Jack..." he yawned, taking his glasses off and placing them safely in the pocket on his backpack.

"Night Daniel." Jack went through the regular checks of a night watchman. Having finished his patrols, he sat down near the campfire and poured himself a cup of coffee. It was the dregs of the pot. Daniel had obviously been bored; he'd drunk the lot. Not that caffeine overdose ever seemed to affect his sleep. Within moments of climbing into his sleeping bag, he was snoring.

Two hours,' he thought, two hours on a God-forsaken desert planet with less life on it than you'd find on the moon.' The planet was an arid desert. Carter's various samples had confirmed that there really was no life form of any kind present, not even bacteria. Boiling it in bleach couldn't have made the planet any more sterile.

The only reason that SG-1 were still here was because there had been a sand storm - a huge one - that made the one they'd experienced on Abydos that first time through the gate look like a storm in a tea-cup. After two days sheltering - and bickering - in a too-small tent pitched in the lee of a rocky outcrop, SG-1 had emerged to find that it had not only half buried the gate and completely swamped the DHD, but it had also exposed a buried city.

So Jack and Teal'c spent their days digging out the gate and DHD, and Carter got to watch Daniel going into ecstasies over all those oh-so-exciting carvings on those oh-so-amazing walls. Jack really wasn't sure which was the better deal, listening to an over-excited archaeologist burbling about stuff that no-one really cared about apart from said over-excited archaeologist, or sweating the day away digging in the shifting sands with your bare hands.

Fortunately for Jack and Teal'c, the SGC had dialled the gate when they had gone twenty-four hours overdue. This had vaporized most of the sand covering the gate itself, which only left the DHD. SG-1 had managed to request a list of supplies, which had been sent through about an hour later. This list included two spades, which had made Jack and Teal'c's job much easier. In fact, tomorrow they would probably have the DHD uncovered, which meant Jack could go and Daniel sit, while Carter made sure the device was sand-free and operational with Teal'c.

Most of Jack's two-hour watch passed uneventfully. He was just rousing Teal'c from his Kelno'reem to hand over, when Daniel started to mutter from the depths of his sleeping bag. Jack crept over to the bag, where just the top of Daniel's head was showing.

"Jck?" came his muffled voice.

"What? You awake?" Jack squatted down next to him.

"Toads. We need toads." Daniel was still buried inside the bag, so Jack wasn't sure he'd heard him right.

"Toads? Did you say toads, Daniel?"

"And eggs."

"Toads...and eggs?" Jack looked up and shrugged at Teal'c who had now joined him.

"I believe Daniel Jackson may be conversing in slumber."

"What? Oh, you mean talking in his sleep."

"That is correct."

"Frogs" mumbled Daniel. "Newts."

"What's he on about?"

"I believe they are all types of amphibious creatures found on Earth."

"I know that...I just wanna know...why?"

"Cheese," added Daniel from the depths of his sleeping bag.

"Oh, for cry'n' out loud - is he gonna shut up?" Jack was unrolling his sleeping bag, and didn't hold out much hope of actually getting any more sleep with Daniel chattering the night away.

"Add a dash of chili," murmured Daniel.

"Oh God, he's cooking!" Jack groaned, and pulled the bag up round his ears in an attempt to block the sounds.

Unfortunately, Jack's complaints had woken up Sam. "What's going on?" she grumbled. "Is it time for my watch yet?"

"Not enough chocolate," mumbled Daniel.

"No, Carter," sighed Jack. "Danny-boy here is cooking amphibians in his sleep. Unfortunately for us, he's talking about it."

"Wake him up, then," suggested Sam. Jack rolled his eyes at her. "I'll do it then, sir." She wriggled nearer to Daniel without getting out of her bag and gently shook his shoulder. "Daniel. Daniel, wake up."

There was no response from Daniel. He appeared to have stopped talking, though. Sam waited a couple of minutes to ensure that he really had stopped, and then wriggled back to the spot where she'd been happily sleeping only minutes before.

"Thank you, Carter," said Jack in a heartfelt fashion. They both lay down to sleep, and were just dropping off when...

"Oh no no no no!"

"Daniel? What is it?" Jack and Sam both sat bolt upright at the sound of his anguished cry.

"You burnt it! You burnt the toad!"

"Aaaargh!" yelled Jack. "He hasn't stopped. That's it; I'm going to wake him up properly!" He struggled out of the confines of his bag and crawled across the campsite towards the sleeping man.

"O'Neill. Is it not dangerous to wake someone up when they are sleep-talking?" Teal'c looked concerned.

"No, Teal'c - it's sleep-walking that's dangerous."

"Ooh, hello!" said Daniel. His tone of voice had completely changed. It was now flirtatious, almost seductive. "Want to come out and play?"

"Don't wake him up yet, sir," said Sam, an evil grin on her face. "This is getting interesting now."

"At least he's stopped cooking that revolting concoction!" Jack lay back down on top of his sleeping bag and listened for Daniel's next offering.

"Oh, that's naughty. Bad girl!"

"What is he dreaming about?" Jack was amazed.

"Unfortunately, sir, it's been proven that what you say while you're asleep frequently bears no relation to what you're dreaming about. Shame. I wonder who he's talking to?"

Even Teal'c sat down to listen, having done a patrol of the perimeters of their campsite.

Daniel laughed, a deep throaty laugh, quite unlike anything he'd ever come up with while awake. "Try this one for size!" He giggled.

"Daniel Jackson! You dirty...!" Jack was lost for words. Daniel suddenly shifted and coughed. He rolled over and half sat up. Sam and Jack lay down, feigning sleep.

Daniel lay back down. There was a significant pause. Jack was just beginning to think that the entertainment had stopped for the night when Daniel started again. "That won't fit in there."

Jack sat up and saw that Sam was already sat up listening. "What do you think he's talking about now?" he asked.

"No idea, sir. He's only just got started again," she replied, her voice low.

"General, I really don't think..." Daniel said.

"General?" Jack mouthed to Sam.

"In your office. It's really not such a good idea," added Daniel.

"Hammond?" squeaked Jack.

"I like the garter belt, though," Daniel continued. "Fuchsia pink is such a good color for you."

Jack and Sam sat open mouthed.

"Ooh," giggled Daniel, "Now that's an interesting use for chocolate body-paint!"

"Chocolate body paint?" echoed Sam.

"Kinky," muttered Jack.

"And General Hammond in a garter belt isn't?" Sam looked at him aghast.

Jack shrugged.

"Hel-lo," said Daniel, before Jack had a chance to formulate any reply. "You come to play, too?"

Sam and Jack exchanged a glance.

"Oh goody," the archaeologist continued. "I like group hugs. Especially this kind of group hug."

"Group hug?" Jack sputtered. "Is that what it's called these days?"

"What what's called?" asked Sam.

"Threesomes," replied Jack.

"He never said anything about a threesome, sir." Sam sounded shocked.

"Well it all sounds pretty dodgy to me," muttered Jack. "I mean, next he'll want everyone to get naked or something!"

"Some people might call this a threesome..." Daniel started. "But I think that this would only qualify if people were naked. Oh yes, this would be so much better if we were all naked."

"See?" said Jack triumphantly.

"Brings a whole new meaning to the expression team debriefing' don't you think?" asked the archaeologist, eliciting a guffaw from Sam in response. "But how do we decide who gets naked first?"

"Taking it in turns?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"The game is rock paper scissors," continued Daniel, "Jack, you're up first."

"Rock paper scissors?" asked Sam.

"Such a mature way to decide anything," added Jack sarcastically. "Bet Daniel picks rocks every time."

"What is this?" asked Teal'c, "I have not heard of this."

"Basically," Sam started to explain the principles of the game to the somewhat confused Jaffa.

"Oh dear," interrupted Daniel. "My rock blunts your scissors, Jack. You lose."

"When did I get dragged into this sordid dream?" Jack mused. "And anyway - me lose to Daniel? Only in your dreams, Rock-Boy."

"Am I going to have to resort to violence, Jack?" asked Daniel. "I have an enormous staff weapon here with your name on it."

"An enormous staff weapon?" squeaked Sam, eyes wide and slightly pink with embarrassment.

"So come on, Jack," said Daniel, sounding more like his usual self.

"What?" Jack scowled at the archaeologist where he lay in his sleeping bag.

"Come on, Jack. Kit off."

Jack frowned, suddenly suspicious.

"You heard me, Jack." Daniel rolled over to face the others, eyes open. "And no, I'm not asleep."

"Why you little...!" Jack glared at him. "How long have you been awake?"

"A while. How could you honestly think that I could sleep through you yelling about threesomes and how noisy I was? I'm amazed you could hear anything at all - you were making such a racket!"

"You started it," Jack responded a little petulantly.

"Started what?" Daniel looked suitably indignant.

"Talking about threesomes."

"Actually, I didn't, you did. I called it a group hug."

"But..." Sam giggled at the confused expression on Jack's face.

"You fed me the lines so I used them." Daniel was clearly struggling to maintain his air of innocence.

"That's not fair!" Jack sputtered. "Anyway, you were talking in your sleep, so that's what started it."

"I was?" Daniel looked embarrassed. "What did I say?"

"You were trying to cook a toad with chocolate and chili."

"Really?"

"Indeed," intoned Teal'c.

Daniel looked somewhat sheepish. "Sorry. Must have been really overtired - I only do it when I'm exhausted."

"Anyway, let's all try and get some sleep, shall we?" growled Jack. "T - you still okay keeping watch?"

Teal'c inclined his head in assent. "I shall keep watch for the remainder of the night. I have completed my Kelno'reem."

Before long, the other three were snuggled up in their sleeping bags. Jack was almost asleep when he heard a faint muttering from Daniel's direction. Awake once again he half sat up and glared in the archaeologist's direction, daring him to start talking again.

To his immense relief, Daniel didn't continue, but started to snore quietly instead.

Jack lay back down and closed his eyes. Daniel's snoring was something he was used to and could sleep through.

For twenty minutes the only sound was the crackling of the fire and Daniel's gentle snoring.

The next sound shattered the peace and woke Jack.

"Roses? For me? Thank you so much..."

"Carter!"


End file.
